I'm 27 and I used a vibrator for the first time last week...
And it was mind-blowing. I’ve never felt this way in my entire life. 😲
For the past 10 years, I've been sexually active, but have never used a vibrator, dildo, or any sort of "toy."
Growing up, my parents never had the "talk," so I had to learn about sex on my own, be it from my friends, the media, or online. My mom never told me sex should be as enjoyable for the woman as the man.
She never talked to me, except to say "wait until marriage." That's it.
Of course, I became the rebellious teenager and had sex with my first boyfriend in high school, but he never cared about my pleasure.
He never cared about making sure I orgasmed or that I was enjoying it. We simply had sex or I got him off.
We never discussed the best ways to get me off or what I liked best. We did what he wanted and I was fine with it because I did not know I was supposed to enjoy it. Sure, it felt good, but never awesome or fantastic.
Over the years, I had several relationships. Some serious. Some not-so-much. Throughout those relationships, I was simply Plain Jane and all the guys never seemed to care about my pleasure...only their own (yes, I dated some serious SOB's).
Some of the guys I dated would get me off, but only because I asked and, to be honest, I was scared to ask.
I had begun to feel like something was not right and that there was more to sex than a guy simply sticking his dick in me, but there was a fear deep down that suppressed me.
I did not discuss my sex life with any of my female friends because I always felt like I was dirty for having sex, like I had done something wrong because I did not wait until marriage. Of course, I never said anything to my mom and I never had any other woman in my life tell me that I was actually taking my sex life in the wrong direction!
And then after a string of short unsuccessful relationships, I started dating my current SO.
We were best friends prior to us dating and over time, we simply fell in love and became an official couple. Once we started having sex, one of the first things he asked me was what I liked and what got me off. I was so completely shocked that I did not even know how to respond.
He wanted to know what made me feel good? What was this voodoo magic?!
He told me he could only enjoy sex with me if it made me happy and I am about damn near cried when he said that. Never has a guy expressed that kind of care in my sexual pleasure and, at first, I was not even sure how to handle that kind of love.
We've been together a little over a year now and our sex life has had to take a lot of baby steps to undo all the negative thoughts I've built up over the years. It took months for me to open up to him and talk to him about what I wanted from our sex life. He was incredibly sad that no guy had ever cared about my pleasure before and he wanted to make sure I never felt neglected again.
Eventually, he suggested the idea of buying a vibrator or dildo for me to heighten my sexual pleasure.
At first, I was opposed because, again, no one had ever told me that sort of thing was okay to experience, but I began doing my own research and learned about what existed out there, what were the differences between various "toys", and what would would work best for me.
Over time, I began to open up to the idea of buying a "toy" for us to use in the bedroom, so, last week, I told him I wanted to look at vibrators with him. His face just lit up and he immediately sat down with me to look online for something to purchase. We settled on one and decided to get it as an early Valentine's Day gift for ourselves (I, ironically, have to be in the hospital on V-Day for a heart procedure, so we wanted to celebrate a bit early!).
Well, it came in the mail last week and we played with it quite a bit last night! All I can say is I feel such joy at finally being free to fully enjoy my sexuality and to see my SO incredibly turned on at my pleasure. I will not go into any erotic details (sorry!), except I am sure this new "toy" will be making many appearances in the near future! ;)
UPDATE 1: Not sure why I thought about sharing this. Something just awoke in me and I feel like years of sexual and cultural suppression were finally released. I no longer feel like my sexual pleasure is wrong or dirty. I feel at peace with myself and so happy that I have reached this point in my life, especially with someone I truly love!
UPDATE 2: Guys (and gals), please make sure your ladies feel pleasure and understand their likes/dislikes.
The years of suppressing my sexuality took a serious toll on my mentality and, fortunately, I ended up with somebody who helped heal me, but I know not all women are that lucky. Even if you've begun to go into a routine, make sure your lovely lady is enjoying it :)
UPDATE 3: I’ve received a ton of DMs on which toy did I purchase. The one I purchased was the Uno from www.hellonancy.com, an adult toy brand that designs sex toys for beginners. Honestly, I absolutely LOVE this thing.
If you’re a bit on the fence, just go ahead and take the plunge. I promise it’ll be ABSOLUTELY worth it.